Why Is My Toddler Hitting?

Most toddlers will go through a phase where they either hit themselves or others. It is a common stage that most children go through. Toddlers still don’t have the communication skills to be able to vocalize what they are feeling or wanting. Hitting can be a way for them to try and communicate. Toddlers also don’t understand that hitting is wrong and can hurt someone, they have no sense of right and wrong, making the behavior not seem wrong to them.

Causes

There are many reasons why your toddler may be hitting, and there are sometimes no reason at all. One of the reasons your toddler may hit is because they are exploring their surroundings. Your child is an explorer in their first years of life. They are trying to figure out how things work, what happens if they do certain things, and a million other things. Hitting may be a sensory exploration for some children. Seeing how it feels if they hit someone just as if they go up to the couch and hit that, they are seeing how it feels against their arm.

Toddlers have no impulse control or self control. Self control takes years to develop to finally start to be understood around the age of 4 to 5 years. They have no way to calmly tell you if something is frustrating them or even scaring them. Which can cause them to lash out and hit.

They also may not be trying to hit someone, but may accidentally touch too hard. If your child is trying to pat a sibling or friend they may be overly enthusiastic or have not developed those fine motor skills to not make their pat be more of a hit.

Your child may also hit if they feel scared out of self-defense. If someone comes up too close to your child’s face they may swat their arm at that person trying to make them back up. This is normal since your toddler cannot communicate for the other person to scoot back.

Feeling frustrated, sad, overwhelmed, or overstimulated are all reasons why your toddler may hit. Hitting or throwing tantrums may be your toddler’s way of handling their big emotions. They do not have the communication skills to tell anyone how they are feeling, or have the self control yet to handle it in a calmer fashion.

If your toddler starts hitting or seems to be hitting more during a day ask yourself if there could be an underlying cause. This could mean did they get enough sleep last night or are they exhausted. Are they hungry, have they eaten good foods to fuel their body appropriately? Are they teething or sick? Once you have ruled out outlying factors that may cause your child to be a little more on edge then normal it can help to find the cause of why your toddler is hitting.

Toddler hitting is usually a phase. Usually once the toddler develops more appropriate communication skills, or the ability to express themself hitting will phase out on its own. In some studies not correcting hitting, or correcting hitting in a harsh way can lead to prolonged aggression in some children. Finding a good way to handle your toddler’s hitting that works best for you and your child will be key in helping the hitting stop. What works for one child, may not work for another.

Coping Tips

Make sure that your child has the amount of sleep they need each night and are getting good quality rest so they are the best versions of themselves each day. Feeding your toddler healthy foods that can help stabilize moods can also help. Making sure they have enough time with physical play such as banging on drums, stomping feet, running and jumping can also help decrease hitting.

Your first instinct when you see your toddler hitting someone may be to physically restrain them. This can be an option for some toddlers. As a parent you will want to make sure that you can restrain your child gently in a tight hug. Restraining them should not hurt your child. Make sure your child does not respond negatively to being restrained as well.

Another way you can stop your toddler from hitting is removing them from the situation. This could be taking them to the car if you are in public or at a friend’s house. At home you can remove them to a quiet calm place away from other activities. If your child is old enough you can tell them that hitting is not approved behavior and if they hit they won’t be allowed to play with friends. For smaller children, discussion may not be appropriate for their age and understanding.

For younger aged toddlers, redirection can be helpful. For one to two year old toddlers holding their hand and demonstrating a nice gentle touch can help them learn to be gentle instead of hitting. Or distracting them with a new activity or toys can also help redirect them from hitting. Make sure in your redirection that they don’t feel like hitting gets them a reward or you playing with them or spending more time with them.

Watching for triggers or behaviors that your child may display before they start hitting someone can help you be on the look out for the behavior. You may notice certain things your child does before they hit which can help you intervene before the hitting starts.